QUIZ: Is THIS the ego-death that comes after publishing a book?

Letter #12: I'm running low on enthusiasm for promoting my book, so here's 10 very scientific poll questions instead...

(Where Are You? I’m Christina Rivera, debut author of MY OCEANS: Essays of Water, Whales, and Women and Moby Bytes is my series of newslettery notes deep-diving the oceanic kinship of bodies of water and beings. Thanks for signing up for this irregular email in your inbox!)

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MY OCEANS has now wandered for two months in the wilds of everywhere books are sold, and I’m experiencing a curious list of empty-nest and menopausal symptoms (to DRAG out the book-baby metaphor) related to the conception, (nine-year) pregnancy, and excavation of the book from my body.

As I’m feeling uninspired to tackle ANY subject on my bottomless list of “substack essay ideas,” I instead offer you this totally scientific 10-question survey:

Have we arrived yet? At the Ego-Death that comes after the publication of a *book?

(*or other creative project)

For those that haven’t heard, there is a rumored ego-death that comes for every writer/artist in the months after releasing her book/soul/art to the world for public consumption…

That time I turned my husband’s Halloween decor into a book fairy, but now she looks a lot like the grim book-ego reaper?

I’m pretty friendly with grief, so my ears perked when the authors-who’d-gone-before offered precarious lines like, “enjoy the high of your book launch while it lasts…” often followed by the ominous, “reach out if you need an emotional check-in.”

Yes, I know it’s taboo to whisper of any negative aspect about publishing a book. But I hate toxic positivity, and I also don’t care. Which is maybe a symptom of my possible ego-death? Let’s take the survey and find out!

Ps. There are no right answers to this quiz. You can eeny-meeny-miny-moe your way through it. I don’t think many are going to read/take this quiz (more evidence of my ego-death?), so the poll results are probably all mine…

Have we arrived yet? At our inevitable post-pub date Ego-Death? 10 very scientific questions to find out…

RESULTS:

0-10 Points: Ego Still Intact
Baby’s First Ego-Wound. Keep riding the high—or your deep denial! DO not look ahead. Eat lots of cake and stay f*cking present!

11-20 Points: Ego in Twitching Stage
You’ve entered the "Why did I do this?" phase. It’s permanent. The Abyss at the end of this road is waving at you. It’s wearing a ragged shirt (with cake stains) that reads “2-Star Review” across the chest, and it’s smoking cloves.

21+ Points: Fully Dissolved.
Congratulations, you’ve arrived! Welcome to the Ego Abyss. Do not look back. Do not do math, but also do NOT forget to cancel your BookScan Data Package, which costs 20x your monthly book royalties. Go ahead. Get into your blanket fort. You deserve a very long nap. Stay there as long as you need. Because as soon as you re-emerge, guess what? It’s time to start your next *book. (*or learn a new language, move to a different country, have a baby, or forge another impermanent self-identity!)

Please only forward to writers/creatives who love an existential punch to the face…

Ps. While I exaggerated this post in jest, I actually do still cry every time someone reads my book or expresses shared resonance with it. So, thank you if you’re one of those people. And don’t worry about my ongoing book-ego-dissolution. If you’ve read MY OCEANS, you know how much I love bardos and descents into abysses. AND I am also studying a new language and working on the next book. ;)

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Where Are You?

If you’re new to Moby Bytes, I’m Christina Rivera and MY OCEANS: Essays of Water, Whales, and Women is my debut book of sea-linked essays deep-diving the oceanic kinship of bodies of water and beings. MY OCEANS (Northwestern University Press/Curbstone Books, March ‘25) is now available for purchase at all your favorite booksellers!

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